She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
