The maid of honor just puked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
