Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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