she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
