I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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