I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
