Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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