My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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