Swine flu. Run for my life!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
