shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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