Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
