She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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