i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
