ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
