4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
