I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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