Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
