My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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