just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
