That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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