People in love make me want to vomit
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
