You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
