Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
