It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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