At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
