I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
