I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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