While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Less talking, more tequila
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
