I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
