What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
