these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
