I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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