i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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