i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
