My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The Olympian is in my bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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