STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
