I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
