don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
