Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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