Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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