rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
