Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
