he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is Oprah even human
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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