Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
