Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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