The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
