your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
