How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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