He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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