got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
