Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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