Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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