dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
